“I was once asked to leave a pub in Surry effing Hills for the very minor offence of humping the cigarette machine.”

Aboriginal people, such as Rose, and Torres Strait Islanders made up 2.5 per cent of the Australian population in 2011 but 25 per cent of people who were homeless on Census night.

Beatriz* migrated illegally to Australia so she could send money back to her family in the Philippines. There, you have to pay the hospital a deposit before they will treat you. In Australia, Beatriz doesn’t have Medicare – when she needed an operation, friends helped her find a discreet doctor, and she paid in cash.

The ‘war on drugs’ became the ‘war on carbs’ and at 2am in the once murky Springfield Avenue, you’re more likely to spot a gym junkie scoring a breadstick than a heroin addict looking for a foil. And isn’t this a good thing?

On Thursdays people with pockets full of pension money still scurry back and forth in small, urgent packs.

Will Self finds himself in a London invaded by foxes during the UK elections.

“You don’t dial triple-0 if you want to get something done in this country… you dial 131 873 and you get on [to Alan Jones] and it’s done.”

The 6,000 residents of Elizabeth Bay have seen their share of developers eyeing off our suburb’s dilapidated marina these last few years.

I begin to wonder if I’m living in Sydney, or Syria.

How the fun police are censoring the names of Sydney’s watering holes

She tells me about her best friends, they go to a different school now. Emotion creeps into my throat and I start to feel anxious.

Sydney has become a Frankenstein’s monster of bricks, steel, glass and four million bodies.